Paddy Went into a Pub.....

After saving the badgers, try this to further do your bit.

Improve your vocabulary, fight back against illiteracy and reduce world hunger all in one fell swoop. For each word you get right, they donate 10 grains of rice through the United Nations World Food Programme to help alleviate hunger in over 75 countries.

Black & White Town

Personally, I'm quite partial to badgers.
If you are too, please go and sign this petition. Ta.

Asexual Healing

It's amazing what life throws at you. Imagine the scene; you are suffering with the Man Flu that your Wife and Son have given back to you, you are not looking forward to the training you are going to be doing all day and it's cold. And wet. And miserable when.....

"Bottle Watch" Update

Hold the front page! I was pulling up to the lights and in my Lemsip induced haze I lazily look over to where the famous bottle should be to see not one but two bottles!!!!!! Holy shit!!!!!!!! Not only was there now an extra bottle. It wasn't haphazardly placed/thrown on the pavement, it was positioned in such a way that it looked as if the bottles were conversing. How had this happened?
Had one of my many readers, tracked down the "Bottle Watch" sight, sourced a bottle of the mystery liquid, drank it all/thrown it away, and placed it next to the original bottle; or had the original bottle performed some form of single celled reproduction as it had gotten a bit bored on the M60 ring road junction?

Stay tuned dear readers for further updates and possibly a picture or two.

One Rule For One.....

A story in the Guardian yesterday was about a 20 year old woman who fell pregnant after having a one night stand. She subsequently kept the pregnancy secret from her friends and family and after the baby was born, gave it up for adoption. Nothing really new or controversial there. The difference this time being that she has gone to court to keep the pregnancy, birth and adoption secret from the father and his family.

Now I'm not saying that this 19 year old boy would want to take responsibility for the child's upbringing, but at least give him the opportunity to make that decision, and at least follow the development of the child and when he is old and mature enough, possibly play some part in the child's life.

I find it abhorrent that the ruling has been passed. We live in a world were at times Fathers are being treated like second class citizens when it comes to parenting. Fathers for Justice are not the perfect role model at times but they are trying. Yes, I know that all Dad's are not perfect; I have a former friend who walked out on his partner leaving her alone with a 3 year old and six week old twins, but we have got to be given the chance. There was also an instance recently where a young boy drowned in a river and the estranged Father found about the death from a newspaper report of the tragic accident. It is also possible to take someone's kids to a foreign country without any recourse for action to prevent it. How can it be possible to split families up like this when society is falling apart due, in part, so the politicians tell us, to the breakdown of the family structure.

The Wayne's World Moment

Well what can I say. This morning a momentous happening, well happened. I missed the green light at the junction and so was stuck at the front of the queue at the lights right next to this small inconsequential looking bottle. Inconsequential to the untrained eye, but to the chosen few it can only mean one thing


"Bottle Watch" Update. Extreme!!

I still have not got an image of the label, but two things are clear.

1. The bottle appears to be less than half empty, no not a sign of my mood following "Mug-gate", but the simple view from my car that the bottle is well, half empty
2. The drink contained within the bottle is a sports tonic type drink.

That's it really. I never promised the truth would be exciting, or even interesting, but that's life in Oldham for you.

Tyred

Bike sex man placed on probation

Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a bike

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

"Bottle Watch" update

Three weeks on and the bottle is still there! Even the inclement weather has not disdurbed it.

Wild Pussy

Now that I have grabbed your attention (and got my Google Ratings up), have a look at the news article below. The British and their pets!!

A cat is baffling his owner by wandering off at night before expecting to be collected by car every morning at exactly the same time and place.

Sgt Podge, a Norwegian Forest Cat, disappears from his owner's home in Talbot Woods, Bournemouth, every night.

The next morning, the 12-year-old cat can always be found in exactly the same place, on a pavement about one and a half miles (2.4km) away.

His owner, Liz Bullard, takes her son to school before collecting Sgt Podge.

She said the routine began earlier this year, when Sgt Podge disappeared one day.

Ms Bullard rang the RSPCA and began telephoning her neighbours to see if anyone had seen him.

An elderly woman who lived about one and a half miles away called back to say she had found a cat matching Sgt Podge's description.

Ms Bullard collected him but within days he vanished again. She rang the elderly woman to find Sgt Podge was back outside her home.

Owner Liz Bullard thinks Sgt Podge crosses a golf course every night

She said a routine has now become established, where each morning she takes her son to school before driving to collect Sgt Podge from the pavement between 0800 and 0815 GMT.

It is thought Sgt Podge walks across Meyrick Park Golf Course every night to reach his destination.

Ms Bullard said: "If it's raining he may be in the bush but he comes running if I clap my hands."

All she has to do is open the car passenger door from the inside for Sgt Podge to jump in.

Wandering the streets

Ms Bullard also makes the trip at weekends and during school holidays - when her son is having a lie in.

She does not know why, after 12 years, Sgt Podge has begun the routine but explained that another woman who lived nearby used to feed him sardines, and that he may be on the look-out for more treats.

"As long as you know where they are you don't mind as a cat owner," Ms Bullard said.

"I know where to collect him - as long as he's not wandering the streets."

Back at home, Sgt Podge has breakfast before going to sleep by a warm radiator.

Stuff and Nonsense

Apple Computers, in conjunction I-Pod reported today that it has developed a new computer chip that can store and play music comfortably inside women's breasts.
This is considered a major industry breakthrough because women have been complaining for years that men are always staring at their breasts and not listening to them.


I should have put this scary movie on during Halloween but watch it as it's funny anyway.


Life would be much better lived backwards.
You'd start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready to start school.
You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.


"Bottle Watch" update

It's still there! Yippee. Still trying to get a good photo though.

Please See Below

The UK's top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen's image upside-down

3. It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store

4. Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned

5. If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter

6. In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen

8. It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour

10. It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow


Other bizarre foreign:

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk

In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation

A male doctor in Bahrain can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror

In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm

It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama

In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed

Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth

In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits

In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon

Message in a Bottle

Well the weekend has been to kind to "The Bottle" in...................

"Bottle Watch"

It's still there this morning. It seems to have not been moved an inch! I have been asked for more pictures but unfortunetely, the bottle is at a busy junction and I cannot guarentee that I will be near enough to take any photos. Be sure though that should the opportunity present itself I shall grasp it with both hands.

More to follow. Hopefully.

Even More Dull Than It Looks

On Friday we had a visit from an auditor to have a look at how we were progressing with working towards ISO:9001 Certification. He was, to be fair, not very dull considering what subject matter he deals with everyday in his working life. Oh, and he was from Oldham. The audit went very well though, so we were all pleased.

First Born was at a Birthday party today of one of his friends and went as a pirate. He was very pleased with the costume we rushed into Big Shop to buy as we were running our usual lateness. He one both musical bumps and musical chairs! He is becoming more and more competitive just like me, God help him.

We have finally become Middle Class! We have fought against leaving our embittered Working Class roots, but it finally came to an end as two cases (Buy one get one free) of wine were delivered to work yesterday, it was rude not to really. Currently we have 21 bottles left. They were supposed to last us until after Christmas.

Bottle Watch Update

As I went to work yesterday morning it was still there. I await Monday morning to see if the weekend has been kind to our little silica based friend.

He's Got a Lot of Bottle

As promised, "Bottle Watch".

The last two mornings I have noticed a bottle by the side of the road. Just sitting there! It doesn't look, by the way it is sat, to have been dropped. It must have been left there then. But who would leave a half full bottle of what ever it is, next to a set of lights at a busy junction? I don't know but over the coming days I will keep you up to date on the state of the bottle.

Will it sit there untouched? Will it get broken? Will I be able to work out what the label reads? Will it get drank and thrown away by a thirsty tramp? Who knows............. or even cares?

But be sure of one thing, I will keep you posted. If I can be bothered after the weekend.

Sign O' The Times

I must be getting old. A cousin of mine announced her split from her boyfriend on Facebook. Yes, that bastion of youthful social networking is now the way to announce any big news you might have. The Mormon Mafia at work recently dropped my manager in it by congratulating her on the news that she was pregnant through her profile only for it to transpire that she hadn't told all her friends yet!

First Born enjoyed Halloween yesterday. He went Trick or Treating and got a full Pumpkin bucketful of goodies; and he's even given me a strip of bubblegums he received. He also enjoyed scaring the scary children who came to our door and was very pleased when we had sweets left over.

Make sure you tune in tommorrow as "Bottle Watch" begins.